i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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