the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
