Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
