I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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