good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
