youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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