if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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