I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
