I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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