Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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