I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
