god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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