no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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