I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
