I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
