I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
