Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
