Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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