She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
