I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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