i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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