i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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