i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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