Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
