If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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