If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
