so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
