i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
