wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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