you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
