I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wear drunk well.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
