he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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