I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
