You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
