Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
