Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
