I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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