Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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