and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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