your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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