She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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