Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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