i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
