You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
