But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
