I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
