i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
