i think my tv is drunk
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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