I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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