...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
