Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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