My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
