The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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