It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
