whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
