please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it glows. i had to have it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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