where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
