you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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